Voice

“To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.”
—Allen Ginsberg, WD
The other night I watched The Rum Diary, based on Hunter S. Thompson’s fictitious novel about a journalist who goes to Puerto Rico to work at a crumbling newspaper in the middle of steaming heat and political upheaval. The movie reminded me of why I wanted to become a journalist in the first place. When I was a child I had nerve and guts and I never did what I was told. As I became older and more socialised I stopped following my instincts and started following the crowd instead. But inside of me there’s still a nervy little child saying fuck you to every social worker who tramples the doorstep looking for reasons to take her away.
I want to be a journalist, because I want to take back my life. And the only way I know how is to write it.
Thompson’s protagonist Paul Kemp says, “I have no voice. I don’t know how to write like me.” Isn’t it how we all feel at some stage? Like we have nothing worthwhile to say, that nobody’s listening anyway.
Then I stumbled upon this Ginsberg quote, and it lifted the fog from my nay-saying inner voice. I am who I am. And I do have a voice. It may be riddled with contradictions and strife, the last dregs of teenage angst still clinging to the edges, but it is there, and it is audible. If only to me.

Advertisements

One thought on “Voice

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s