Describe your relationship with your phone. Is it your lifeline, a buzzing nuisance, or something in between?
It’s nothing personal. I hate my phone. And not because Oh-Em-Gee I so don’t have the latest brand in digital technology how dare I show my face in public, but because, and here’s a kicker, I hate being in touch 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
I know this is the information age and we must embrace it, and I’m too young to know what it was like before the dawn of this magnificent era, but here is why I hate my phone, and what it represents.
Cellular phones have made people stupid. With information at your fingertips in the form of apps, tweets, and just-google-it! we retain less information. I hate speaking to people who use cellphone text language. I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE F YOU’RE SAYING AND YOUR POOR GRAMMAR IS MAKING ME WANT TO JAB MY FINGER IN YOUR EYE!
I hate how we are expected to be connected all the time. People who phone me past 10 at night just to chat automatically sit in that part of my brain I reserve for stewing on how much I dislike something. And once you’re there, buddy, it will take a miracle to claw your way back out. Why do I have to reply to your text about how hot so-and-so is and how pregnant she-and-she are at eleven at night? What is so pressing that you can’t wait till we’re face-to-face to tell me?
Mediated interaction pretends to bring people back together, when the fact is, few people can have the same conversations in person as in instant messaging and texts.
I’m a simple girl, and it’s all getting too complicated for me. The can of worms that fuels my dismay at what cellphones represent is only open one tenth of the way, and I’m already stewing in my own venom. Best I have a cup of tea and chat (in real life) with one of my colleagues.
Don’t call me.