“There’s a gigantic meteor hurtling toward earth at an alarming rate, and a 97.3% probability that we’re all going the way of the dodos and dinosaurs within three months.”
Let’s fast forward to March 2013. If I am still an overweight doormat who cries when people say mean things to me, the meteor will be doing me a great service.
I need to relax. I am 24-years-old and I carry on like an ajuma (Korean word for married woman, more commonly used to refer to athletic old ladies who hit you with their massive handbags on the subway if you don’t get out of their way fast enough). I am so stressed out every day, I grind my teeth in my sleep, and I over plan my life in little notebooks and on shit-to-do lists, and it needs to stop. Let it be. Thanks, Beatles. I will.
I need to be healthy. Every other year I’ve said that I will lose weight, but it has dawned on me that that is not entirely the problem. I don’t have an eating disorder or a comfort eating habit. I don’t even think about food. And that is the problem. When I’m super stressed (see point 1) I just eat for convenience, whatever is fast and cheap. Or I go for hours without eating, and I know that is not good for my health. I don’t think about what I put in my body, and it’s affecting my physical and emotional well-being. I have had so many excuses this year, for example, I’m living in an Asian country where the food is just so different from what I’m used to. But that doesn’t justify having pizza every week.
I need to believe in myself. For some reason the past two years have knocked my self confidence down the toilet. I believe that everyone is better than me, that my opinions and ideas don’t count for shit. And if I believe that, others will believe it too. People treat you as you treat yourself. I need to put myself first, I need to assert myself more, I need to love myself. If I have to spend another year hating what I see in the mirror, fading into the background of my own story, the meteor can save its breath. I’d have died inside already.