The DP challenge this week is to write one post every day. What follows is a series of dialogues between myself and inanimate objects. Enjoy.
Me: What do you mean I was mean to that girl? I didn’t even speak to her.
WB: Exactly, you were very offish towards everyone all day.
Me: Rubbish, I merely held my tongue.
WB: In fear of saying something dreadful?
Me: Sure, if that’s what you’d like to believe about me.
WB: I know your tongue, it wags in all the wrong places.
Me: You would know, wouldn’t you?
WB: And what is that supposed to mean?
Me: Oh nothing, only that you weren’t so mindful of my tongue when it was inside you just now.
WB: How vulgar! Retract that statement right now! There are children reading this!
Me: No one’s reading this. It’s just you and me, Water Bottle.
WB: I shudder at the thought.
Me: Of being alone with me? You should.
WB: You have no respect for my sensitivities.
Me: Would you like to wash my mouth out?
WB: Only with soap, you vile creature.
Me: That could be arranged. How does soap affect plastic?
WB: Oh, you wouldn’t dare give me a soaping.
Me: Wouldn’t I? What if I were to soap my tongue and then lick you?
WB: You’d inflict pain upon yourself to harm me?
Me: Should’ve kept your tongue, dear.
WB: Since when is speaking one’s mind reproachable?
Me: Just a minute ago you reproached me for speaking mine.
WB: For not speaking yours, that was my concern. You’re wound up so tight these days, being around you is like being in a house of sharpened blades.
Me: I have problems.
WB: Don’t we all?
Me: I suppose.
Me: I’m sorry about before, I was only teasing about the tonguing.
WB: That’s quite alright, I wouldn’t have let you go through with it anyway.
Me: And how would you have stopped me?
WB: I can’t reveal all my secrets.
Me: Do you believe in prevention or revenge?
WB: I believe both have a role to play in society.
Me: Ever the diplomat.
WB: As you wish.
Me: I don’t think I have anything more to say to you, Water Bottle.
WB: Me neither.
Me: Let’s cease speaking then.