A conversation with my water bottle

The DP challenge this week is to write one post every day. What follows is a series of dialogues between myself and inanimate objects. Enjoy.

Me: What do you mean I was mean to that girl? I didn’t even speak to her.

WB: Exactly, you were very offish towards everyone all day.

Me: Rubbish, I merely held my tongue.

WB: In fear of saying something dreadful?

Me: Sure, if that’s what you’d like to believe about me.

WB: I know your tongue, it wags in all the wrong places.

Me: You would know, wouldn’t you?

WB: And what is that supposed to mean?

Me: Oh nothing, only that you weren’t so mindful of my tongue when it was inside you just now.

WB: How vulgar! Retract that statement right now! There are children reading this!

Me: No one’s reading this. It’s just you and me, Water Bottle.

WB: I shudder at the thought.

Me: Of being alone with me? You should.

WB: You have no respect for my sensitivities.

Me: Would you like to wash my mouth out?

WB: Only with soap, you vile creature.

Me: That could be arranged. How does soap affect plastic?

WB: Oh, you wouldn’t dare give me a soaping.

Me: Wouldn’t I? What if I were to soap my tongue and then lick you?

WB: You’d inflict pain upon yourself to harm me?

Me: Should’ve kept your tongue, dear.

WB: Since when is speaking one’s mind reproachable?

Me: Just a minute ago you reproached me for speaking mine.

WB: For not speaking yours, that was my concern. You’re wound up so tight these days, being around you is like being in a house of sharpened blades.

Me: I have problems.

WB: Don’t we all?

Me: I suppose.

Me: I’m sorry about before, I was only teasing about the tonguing.

WB: That’s quite alright, I wouldn’t have let you go through with it anyway.

Me: And how would you have stopped me?

WB: I can’t reveal all my secrets.

Me: Do you believe in prevention or revenge?

WB: I believe both have a role to play in society.

Me: Ever the diplomat.

WB: As you wish.

Me: I don’t think I have anything more to say to you, Water Bottle.

WB: Me neither.

Me: Let’s cease speaking then.

WB: Let’s.

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