The Pencil and the Reporter

Write a Q&A-style interview with an inanimate object.

This reporter has attempted a daring feat. Going where no man (sic) has gone before, this is an exclusive interview, between a reporter (R) and a pencil (P).

R: Welcome, Pencil, and thank you for joining me tonight.

P: I’m happy to be here.

R: Are you really?

P: Pardon?

R: Well, you’re a pencil, can you truly be, “happy”?

P: I don’t think I like what your tone is suggesting.

R: Exactly, how is it that a pencil, no offence, can pick up on tone?

P: Oh, you’d be surprised.

R: Really? Can you be surprised?

P: Can you ask better questions?

R: Are you offended by my questions?

P: I don’t know, can a pencil be offended?

R: You tell me.

P: Oh boy. What is it I’m doing here?

R: You’re telling me about the nature of being a pencil.

P: Really? Because it feels to me that I’m being attacked by your underhanded

jabs at my ability to emote.

R: So would you say you are able to experience emotions then?

P: Yes! Yes! Yes! I can feel pain and love and hate and anger and sadness and

all of that! I feel everything!

R: And how does that make you feel?

P: What? It, like what I just said. Pain, anger, sadness, were you even listening?

R: Could you provide me with an example?

P: An example of how I feel pain and sadness and all of that?

R: Yes, exactly. If you’d be so kind.

P: I don’t know, can I be kind? Is a pencil able to express kindness?

R: That’s an excellent question.

P: This is pointless.

The end



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