Write a Q&A-style interview with an inanimate object.
This reporter has attempted a daring feat. Going where no man (sic) has gone before, this is an exclusive interview, between a reporter (R) and a pencil (P).
R: Welcome, Pencil, and thank you for joining me tonight.
P: I’m happy to be here.
R: Are you really?
R: Well, you’re a pencil, can you truly be, “happy”?
P: I don’t think I like what your tone is suggesting.
R: Exactly, how is it that a pencil, no offence, can pick up on tone?
P: Oh, you’d be surprised.
R: Really? Can you be surprised?
P: Can you ask better questions?
R: Are you offended by my questions?
P: I don’t know, can a pencil be offended?
R: You tell me.
P: Oh boy. What is it I’m doing here?
R: You’re telling me about the nature of being a pencil.
P: Really? Because it feels to me that I’m being attacked by your underhanded
jabs at my ability to emote.
R: So would you say you are able to experience emotions then?
P: Yes! Yes! Yes! I can feel pain and love and hate and anger and sadness and
all of that! I feel everything!
R: And how does that make you feel?
P: What? It, like what I just said. Pain, anger, sadness, were you even listening?
R: Could you provide me with an example?
P: An example of how I feel pain and sadness and all of that?
R: Yes, exactly. If you’d be so kind.
P: I don’t know, can I be kind? Is a pencil able to express kindness?
R: That’s an excellent question.
P: This is pointless.